Hogwarts' Other Side
by fahzzyquill
Summary: Right now this'll be what's going on with the teachers. Eventually you'll get glimpses into all of the sides of Hogwarts. You'll see the deeper and perhaps the bit darker side of Hogwarts. Not HBP compliant. Year 6.
1. The staff meeting

Disclaimer: Not mine

Rating: T

Warning: Not HBP Compliant

Summary: Did you ever wonder what the teachers get up to when the students aren't around? Here's a peek into the lives of Albus, Severus, Pomona, Poppy, Sybill, Filius, Minerva, Rubeus, Argus, Rolanda, and Remus. Year 6.

Author's Note: Not sure where I'm going with this yet. I'm getting kinda bored with my other story so I thought I'd write this to get me motivated. You know the drill R&R.

Hogwarts' Other Sides

"No Albus, absolutely not!"

"Come on Minerva."

"Albus the last time I wound up "helping" you organize the school records I wound up with more parchment cuts than I could count and a sever headache."

"Please Minerva, it has to be done."

"Then find some other poor unsuspecting person to help you."

Albus looked around the table. Eyes sparkling trying to get one of his staff members into organizing the school records. They would each meet his eyes then look down quickly. All except for Minerva, who was staring at him defiantly and Severus, who was ignoring him entirely.

"Well if none of you will volunteer freely then I will have to insist that we pick straws." Severus who had not said a word all meeting finally spoke. "How is that fair? Some of us have lives that are short straws."

"Come Severus, don't be ridiculous."

"I am not the ridiculous one who insists on picking straws and eating lemon drops." Albus acknowledged his young colleague with twinkling blue eyes. "What do you have against lemon drops? Is there no way to pacify you Severus?"

"You could just kill me now."

"Ah," Albus said with a light chuckle, "but where is the fun in that?"

The staff had a good laugh. Severus just glared at them. How he hated blasted staff meetings. As if he didn't have enough meetings to attend. It's not like the summers were any break. If anything they were worst. His schedule was fairly simple: get up, get dressed, eat, make potions, go to meeting for the Dark Lord, come back, report to Dumbledore, eat, make potions, go to staff meeting, eat, make more potions, go to Order meeting, report to the Dark Lord, heal self, make some more potions, shower, go to bed. And the next day he'd wake to do it all over again. Life's shortest straw indeed.

"I have an idea..."

"What an amazing occurrence indeed."

"We shall have two short straws. What ever two people get the shortest straws can do all the organizing. There is only a slight chance you will get stuck with me."

"Oh, good news for me indeed. I can work with some other highly annoying individual."

"That's the spirit."

"No," Minerva whispered to Rolanda Hooch, "that's sarcasm so strong that if it was a dog it would have but his butt off." Rolanda put a hand over her mouth trying to stifle her giggles.

"Care to share what is so funny with the rest of us, Minerva, Rolanda? No, then can you do us the favor of picking your straws first?"

Minerva reached for a straw, quickly followed by Rolanda. Albus let everyone pick their straws taking the last remaining one.

"Now we hold them up to compare their length."

"No Albus, we drink juice with them. Can you please not insult our intelligence by assuming we're all half-wits?"

"Not all of us are so sour towards life." Severus held his straw up to Albus', it was shorter.

"And you wonder why I hate the world."

"No Severus, he merely has retained the hope that one day you will change your mind."

"Come Minerva, there is no need to be so sarcastic."

"Severus is always sarcastic and how often do you harp on him for it?"

"Please stop, we must find out who has the other short straw," squeaked Filius Flitwick.

"Bet you Lupin does."

The rest of them compared straws. Severus didn't even have to look to know that Remus did indeed have the shortest straw. The silence in the room gave it away.

"Wow," said Minerva holding back a chuckle, "you could take over for Sybill."

"I resent that."

"As do I."

"There wouldn't happen to be any seer blood in your family now would there?" Severus' eyes narrowed dangerously. "No, and do not insult me so."

"Ah but I wasn't insulting you. It's a great gift that few have."

"Not like anyone here does," Severus muttered under his breath. Either Sybill did not hear him or she had chosen not to.

"Tha's enough fer now you two. Cut it out."

"I agree with Rubeus," said Argus.

"Come Lupin. I unlike you do not have all day to sit around doing nothing unlike certain animals."

"Take that back," Remus growled.

"No." Remus drew his wand.

"Take it back of I'll make you regret it."

"No, this place really is going to the dogs." Severus had no time to react before Remus' fist was in his face. Severus swung back and there was now a full scale fight going on. Someone was yelling to separate them.

Minerva whispered to Rolanda, "I'll put three galleons on Remus to win."

"Nah, it'll be Severus and I think I'll take that bet."

Albus was trying to stun them but they remained elusive. Finally Hagrid had to pull Remus off of Severus to stop him from killing him. Few members of the staff could ever remember seeing Albus so angry.

"You are adults. This behavior is not acceptable. I do not accept this from my students and I do not expect this from my staff. You are no longer foolish school boys. Get over what ever grudge you may hold against each other. Severus you were wrong to provoke Remus." Remus shot him a triumphant glare. "And Remus, you were equally as wrong to attack him." Now it was Severus' turn to smirk. "I think you could both use this opportunity to get to know each other. Do either of you need the hospital wing?"

Neither was in great shape but their pride held fast. Remus and Severus were both to stubborn to show weakness.

"Good, then before I send you off to organize the records, do either of you have anything else to say for yourself?" Severus shook his head. All the while avoiding Lupin's eyes. Remus was about to do the same, but he hesitated. "Actually I do. Severus got what was coming to him and I'd do it again given the circumstances."

Remus shot Severus a triumphant glare. Severus dived for him, but Hagrid caught him by the neck of his robes. "Don' be stupid Severus. Yer already bin roughed up once tonigh' and tha's enough."

"Remus, you of all people. I expected better from you."  
"Well nice to know I'm not always predictable."

"Remus what's gotten into you?"

"He's still getting over the loss of his poor little puppy dog." Remus rushed for Severus but was also stopped by Hagrid.

"I didn't know Remus had a dog," whispered Filch. "Poor Lupin, I don't know what I'd do without Mrs. Norris."

"I had enough of the both of you for this today. Go file the records and I don't want to see either of you till you're done and you've made up. Why on earth civility is beyond both of you puzzles me. Go, it's not my time you're wasting."

Both headed for the door. Unfortunately they both arrived at the same time. Severus went first eyes flashing. Remus slammed the door shut behind them.

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh, Albus?" inquired Poppy.

"No. But they worry me. If I cannot unite my staff, then how do you propose I unite my school?"

They sat in silence for a bit. No one could answer that. They all remembered what Remus and Severus were like in school. Both were stubborn and unyielding. They had always thought Remus was the quite one of the bunch. But they were learning quickly. The Gryffindor Four were not dead, far from it. As far as most of the staff knew, Remus was the last one living. But no, in Remus' heart and ways, the Marauders were still very much alive.

Author's Note: Do you like it? Do you hate it? Tell me. Check out my other story or my one shots.

Next chapter: Remus and Severus start to organize the records. A few stories told, memories recounted and secrets revealed.


	2. The Organizing Begins

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own it.

Author's Note: Thanks for the positive reviews on the last chapter.

"Alright Rolanda, pay up."

"Aw come on."

"You know that Remus won."

"Well I mean, what were the chances. I've never seen Severus lose at anything. That must have been some dog."

"Yes Rolanda, yes it was."

777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

"Why does Albus have to be such a meddling old fool?"

"What do you have against fools Severus? The world is full of them."

"Which is precisely why I hate them."

Severus opened the door to the file room. It was filled with cabinets overflowing with papers. There were folders and piles of paper on every flat surface. There was the smallest path down the center that a three year old would have had problems walking through.

"Urgh, there's got to be records here from the beginning of the universe."

"Tell me about it."

"No wonder Minerva refused to help."

"Do you think we could get away with saving this job for students in detention?"

"No, but it's nice to know that you're coming up with new methods to torture your students, Severus."

"I never miss an opportunity."

"Where to begin?"

"How about we start on the far side of the room and work our way back to the door?"

"Sounds like a plan. But how are we going to organize them?"

"By the year they started and then we'll put them in alphabetical order."

"Severus, can you just kill me now."

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" Snape said mocking Dumbledore.

"You're horrible."

"So they tell me."

"You're cheeky."

"And you are the world's biggest procrastinator." Remus just laughed. He took in the room with dismay. "I'll start over there and you can start over here."

After an hour of working in silence Remus was incredibly fed up. The work was monotonous. And on top of that his fingers had several small cuts on them. I feel like I'm back in school, being punished for causing trouble.

"Severus I'm bored."

"And you're a whiner."

"Why don't we talk to make the time go faster?"

"Remus, I hope you're not functioning under the delusion that I feel anything other than loathe towards you."

"No I'm not, but well I'm not used to all the quiet. Life's been far too quiet lately."

"Tonks has been awfully quiet at the last couple of Order meetings."

"She and S-Sir-Sirius were really close." Snape seemed to soften in just the slightest.

"So were you. I mean he was your best friend." Remus looked away as he felt his eyes start to water. It wouldn't do to cry in front of Snape. "Yes, we were." The silence was deafening and the room was full of tension.

"I tried to contact Albus as quickly as possible but nobody knew where he was."

Could it be? No surely not, Severus couldn't feel the slightest bit guilty, could he? He wouldn't blame himself. No Severus was unfeeling when it came to everything.

"It wasn't your fault. Sirius would have gone regardless. Nobody could hurt his cub. He was too much of a Gryffindor to stay."

"Well we all know how bold Gryffindor's can be. If I recall correctly it was you and Black who felt the need to turn my robes neon green on more than one occasion."

"Are you trying to lighten the mood Severus Snape?"

"And if I am?"

"I'd tell the world, but no one would believe me."

"Aw what a shame."

"Getting to sentimental for you, was it?"

"Yes. I don't know what I'd do with a balling werewolf. You'd send Minerva running and she'd have my hide. Wouldn't even give me the chance to make some pitiful excuse."

"Good old Minerva."

"Yeah sure, maybe if you're a Gryffindor."

"Come on, we all know Minerva is impartial."  
"Not when it come to Quidditch."

"Ha."

"HA what?"

"Now I've got you procrastinating too."

"So?"

"So ha, indeed."

"You're wacked."

"No I'm Remus."

"Sure you are."

"So if I'm Remus who are you?"

"I'm the Sarcastic-Bastardized-Greasy-Hook-Nosed-Bat-Of-The-Dugeons-Hogwarts-Resident-Potions-Master."

"Wow, I think you've outdone Harry."

"Of course. I couldn't live with myself if I could not outdo my sixth year students."

"You could have stopped with 'I couldn't live with myself' because if I was you I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"Which is precisely why you're not me."

"We really should get back to work."

"Yeah fine."

_Brinkley, Brent, Brephaven, Bulbo, Bultzy._ Poor kid. I'd hate to have the last name Bultzy. _Calnip, Cashilple, Catneliee, Celinelius, Celiper, Cleary, Clashall, Clapnelley. _

"Hey Severus, what's the worst name you've come across?"

"Titpeniboobly."

"Oh that's horrible. All the bad thoughts that go with that name."

"Yeah, tell me about it. How about you?"

"Natdinsinapolaogrophynalis. Or something like that."

"Oh I could imagine saying 'Miss Natdinsinapolaogrophynalis 100 points from Gryffindor for your horribly long name.'"

"Yeah, except there's one problem with that statement. She's a Slytherin."

"Stupid people with incredibly long names who ruin my fun."

"Doesn't everyone ruin your fun?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point."

"Do you remember Bertha?"

"Jorkins?"

"Yeah her. She was so nosey. She got killed by Wormtail," he spat the name like it was venom, "a few years back."

"Are you going to kill him?"

"Who? The murdering, traitoring, bastard. Yes if I get the chance."

"I never had you down as the aggressive Marauder. James or Sirius would have done it if they'd been in my shoes."

"I use to think you didn't fit with them. Now I know why they were friends with you."

"Yes, I know my good looks are stunning."

"No not that, besides you're butt ugly. But you're a conniving, trouble-making, sarcastic, procrastinating bastard."

"Thank you."

"Any time. I enjoy insulting you."

"Trust me the feeling is mutual."

"Aren't most of our feeling mutual when it comes to hating each other?"

"Yes, Bertha caught me reading _Play Wizard_ once. I had to blackmail her to keep her quiet."

"No not Remus Lupin?"

"Yes me indeed. I was the won they called the playboy. Everybody else always thought it was Sirius."

"I'm just as guilty as the rest I suppose. So how does Tonks like the heightened libido from your lycanthropy?"

"Don't tell her I said this, but she loves it."

"Whoa, wait. You've actually slept with her?"

"Yeah. So what."

"How'd you manage that one?"

"Well Tonks and I were mad at each other. So Sirius looked us in a closet and told us that we couldn't get out until we made up. So he stole our wands and left us there. Well when you're in a small cramped space, feeling slightly horny, and stuck with a beautiful woman things happen."

"I never would have guessed."

"Sirius flipped when Tonks thanked him for letting her get what she wanted. I slowly tortured him by not telling him what she meant. Finally I caved. His face was priceless. He was so mad that we wouldn't give him credit for it. It was hilarious."

"I may torture my students, but you, you torture your friends."

"Guilty as charged."

"We haven't even made a dent in this mess. I say we stop for tonight. Let's go nick some food from the kitchens."

"You really are a miscreant. Of course. I couldn't call myself a Marauder if I wasn't."

"I'm beginning to think I may not hate your guts for all eternity."

"Nope you won't. You'll just hate me forever."

"I suppose I can live with that."

"Well good, because you're going to have to."

"I say we leave Dumbledore a little thank you."

"Yes, we can leave him it tonight, for him to find it tomorrow."

"Dumbledore better watch out. He's got a lot of pranks headed his way."

"If I know him, he'll take it in stead."

"He'd better. Otherwise I'm blaming you."

"Not if I pin it on you first."

"Just go ahead and try Severus Snape. Go ahead and try."

"Oh I will."

Author's note: I love you all so please review. Thanks. Any suggestions are wanted.


	3. The Revenge Begins

Author's Note: Thanx for all the reviews. Sorry it took me so long to update. I've had a ton of work lately. I just started Easter break. I'm going to be in Las Vegas for the next week so don't expect an update for at least a week and a half.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

"Come on Severus," whispered Remus.

"Ouch."

"What?"

"I stepped on something."

Remus looked around. It was incredibly cramped for two grown men to be crouching beneath an invisibility cloak. He had borrowed it from Moody on the pretense of going on a mission for Dumbledore. If Moody ever found out his real motives then he'd be getting a lecture on constant vigilance.

"It was just Mrs. Norris. Come on."

"Damn cat."

"Shush. I don't fancy getting caught."

"Really what's the worst that could happen? We're adults after all it's not like we can get detention."

"No but I don't fancy trying to explain what I'm doing out in the middle of the night beneath an invisibility cloak with you."

"That just sounds so wrong."

"You've still got the mind of a teenage pervert."

"And your point is?"

"One would think that you would have grown out of it."

"Yes but that would of course mean that you'd have to be capable of thinking."

"If I wasn't capable of thought then I wouldn't be capable of speech."

"Yes and we all know that that would be a tragedy."

"Of course. I mean what would the world do without Mooney's incredible words of wisdom?"  
"I'm sure the world would survive. And what's with referring to yourself in third person."

"What are you jealous that you can't?"  
"Of course I can."

"Then prove it."

"Severus thinks that you're a moron."

"Well inform Severus that only morons refer to themselves in third person."

"But you did it first."

"No I referred to my alter ego. You referred to yourself."

"You're so strange."

"I know. Now shut up or we'll get caught."

They walked on in silence. They arrived in front of the stone gargoyles with just a few mishaps along the way. Severus shifted impatiently beneath the cloak.

"Just hurry up and give the password already."

"Are you absolutely sure Albus isn't here."

"Yes, I'm positive. Now give the password already."

"Licorice Wand."

Nothing happened. The stone gargoyles remained firmly in their place. Severus grunted.

"I can't believe he changed the password. Paranoid old coot."

"I suppose our reputations do precede us."

"He knew we'd seek revenge."

"Then we have to be all the more cunning and stealthy."

"Alright it's time to delve into our bottomless pits of knowledge about Honeyduke's stores."

"Fizzing Whizbee."

"Licorice Snaps."

"Droobles Best Blowing Bubble Gum."

"Blood Pops."

"Cobweb Cotton Candy."

The gargoyles moved aside. Severus shared a triumphant look with Remus.

"Brilliant. That one's retired. I used to love that stuff."

"Me too."

"Ah those were the good old days."

"Come on I'm not sure how much time we have. We have to hurry."

"Alright."

They crept silently into Albus' office. They checked all the attached rooms and thankfully they were all empty.

"Alright lets set to work," said Severus.

Remus set to charming the curtains in Albus' bedroom. They wouldn't close. They were stuck permanently open. So the next time Albus wanted a lie in he wouldn't be able to have one due to the sunlight. Not like he actually had much time for lie ins seeing as he was the Headmaster.

Severus recharmed the door. There was a spell on it that allowed the Headmaster to see who was waiting at his door. It was almost like a muggle peep hole. Severus charmed it to display someone else's identity.

Remus put a sticking curse in the fireplace so that anyone flooing in wouldn't be able to enter. A lot of poor Order members and important Ministry people would find themselves stuck in the coming weeks.

Severus cursed Albus' ink to write insulting words when the reader was reading the parchment. But whenever the reader would look back the offending words would have disappeared.

"It's a good thing that we're not our own students."

"I know we'd drive ourselves nuts."

"Come on Remus we have to do something to his chair."

"How about we charm it so whenever he sits down the chair will write words in the air above his head."

"Yeah but we have to make it so that the only way you can read what it says is to sit in the visitors chairs."  
"What shall we make it say?"

"_Here sits his majesty."_

"_The king of Hogwarts."_

"_The world's number one meddling coot."_

"Ooh what else?" Remus got a wicked gleam in his eye.

"_The bumbling old bumblebee."_

"_The twinkling star."_

"_Beware: Twinkling is a reason to worry."_

"Oh Remus that's really good."

"_Mr. I-Must-Meddle-In-Everyone-Else's-Affairs."_

"_The meddling old fool."_

"_Mr. Know-It-All."_

Remus and Severus had a tremendous amount of fun picking each other's minds clean for insults. The left a few more surprises in his office before they snuck out.

"Come Severus, the night is young. I think I still have a few more tricks up my sleeve."

"Ok for one, it's 3:30 am. Which is the morning for those of you who don't know. Two, Albus could be back at any time."

"But trouble's way more fun to cause when you know you might get caught. Heck that's half the fun."

"You know, I really had no idea how devious you truly were. You had better have some really incredible ideas."

"You won't regret this Severus. I promise."

"I had better not."

They crept down to the Great Hall. Remus practically dragged Severus the entire way.

"You have to be quiet. This place echoes when it's empty."

"I don't even want to know how you know that."

"A many a marvelous pranks took place here."

"Yes I know. As a Slytherin I seemed to get more than my fair share."  
"We always did leave something special for you."

"You really didn't have too."

"I know, but the look on your face was always worth it."

"Thank God Dumbledore was around. Otherwise I would have killed you on the spot."

"Somehow I have no doubt."

"So what's the plan Wolfie?"

"Are you growing so fond of me that you feel the need to give me a nickname?"

"You are pushing your luck Lupin."

"Of course I am. I always have. It's just a matter of knowing how far you can push someone."

"Alright so what are you thinking?"

"I say since all the staff sit at this one table and none of them even showed this slightest amount of pity over our situation…"

"You're thinking we should leave each of them a present?"

"Yes, of course. But we have to leave ourselves something too."

"Yeah we don't want to look to suspicious," said Severus heavy on the sarcasm.

"Severus, you forget our reputations. You are a snarky bastard who has no sense of humor. Therefore there is no way that you could be involved."

"And you're the quiet, respectable old Marauder who was always the innocent one. The perfect gentleman, who usually keeps to himself."

"Precisely."

"You do make a reasonably competent partner in crime."

"Why thank you."

"I wasn't complimenting you. I was just suggesting that I now completely understand your role in all of that trouble making."

"Sure you do," said Remus sarcastically with a mischievous gleam in his eye."

"Just as long as your not scheming against me I have no reason to seek revenge."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"So how is it that Dumbledore never managed to find out what you called yourselves?"

"That was information that the Marauders felt should only be privy to the students. You see there was Remus, Peter, James and Sirius. And then there was the Marauders. Our, well not our partners in crime, but well another group of people who had the same view on life as us."

"I always knew that you guys were the Marauders."

"But nobody else did. Well James told Lily eventually, but that was it."

"I always thought it was obvious."

"Well it would have been for anyone who didn't listen to James and Sirius and the rumors."

"James and Sirius always said how much they wanted to meet their mischief-making brethren. And of course the gossip only helped feed the rumors."

"I see. You guys certainly knew how to manipulate most of the student body."

"James always prided himself on being able to get what he wanted. Of course that made it all the harder to get Lily. She was the only one beside the three of us who was immune to his sweet talking. And you of course."

"He was such an arrogant prick."

"Yes, at one time he was. But all little boys eventually grow up. James was no exception to that rule. Lily did him a world of good."

"Didn't make any difference in how he treated me."

"He was at least only moderately rude when Lily was around."

"He never trusted me."

"You never gave him reason to. And then you became a Deatheater. And well James never could forgive you for that. I mean you hurt Lily."

"And how precisely did I do that," he said threateningly.

"She felt like all her attempts at talking to you and including you had failed. She blamed herself. And she cried for weeks. Nothing James could do would make her stop crying. Finally she just, got over it I guess. She kind of threw herself into her work for a few weeks."

"I never knew that I made her cry. Well none of us were going to tell you afterwards. She was always so strong. And you seemed to feel bad enough that we didn't want to do anything to drive you farther away."

"Not like I wasn't already distant enough."

"You were always hard to reach. But never so much as you were after you first came back over."

"I felt secluded. Like I was tainted and you were all so pure. I hated you for it."

"I know."

"Really and how'd you figure that one out?"

"Sirius said so. He went through a phase where he felt like he was too dark to be friends with us. Course James told him he was just the black sheep in a family of Blacker Bastards. That seemed to cheer him up."

"Of course it would. That's Black for you."

"Yeah, yeah it was," said Remus is a faraway voice.

"Is."

"Huh?"

"I said is. That's how Black is. The Marauders, all that they once were is still alive in you. The Marauders were unbeatable. They were immortal. And will be forever. Look at the Legacy the Marauders left. The Weasley twins followed in their footsteps, then Potter and his friends, and I'm sure that their children and your children will do the same."

"Me, with children. Well Tonks wants them doesn't she? Well yes, but….."

"But nothing. You'll have a bunch of children and they'll all drive me insane."

"No I can't have kids. She can't have kids with me, I'm a….."

"A what, werewolf? She certainly doesn't seem to care."

"But…."

"You have a life, live it."

"So do you."

"Yes, but I spend it differently."

"Well why don't you find yourself a girlfriend."

"Maybe after the war. Right now a girlfriend would just get murdered by Voldemort."

"Are you serious, you'll get a girlfriend after the war?"

"If I live to see the end of it."

"Don't talk like that. You will."

"Then yes, I promise."

"I'll hold you to it."

"I've come to expect that of you."

"Are you done yet?"

"Almost, how about you?'

"Nearly done, yes."

They were silent for a few minutes. Each were lost within their own thoughts. Remus was the first to break the silence.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For reminding me that the Marauders could never die. They'd thank you for that."

"They'd probably kill me too."

"No they'd be happy."

"No I meant that I'd die of shock."

"Oh yeah. Very true."

"Of course. I'm not a liar. Unless I'm talking to the Dark Lord."

"That's true. You are usually honest. I guess I should distrust you."

"Yep, you have to watch the honest ones."

"All done."

"Me too. So what surprise did you leave for me?"

"I can't tell you. I mean where's the fun in that?"

"Fine then I won't tell you what I left for you."

"I'd be rather disappointed if you did."

"And we all know it's a crime to disappoint Remus Lupin."

"Yes indeed it is."

They both shared amused smiles. Yes, Severus Snape is indeed capable of smiling. Remus left Severus at his rooms. He dropped the invisibility cloak off at Headquarters for Moody and he snuck back to his Quarters.

Remus Lupin fell asleep with a smile on his face. Tomorrow would be fun. Very fun indeed. The Marauders memory lived on. In him, and all those who caused trouble just for a few good, harmless laughs.

And somewhere far away the dog star was smiling. For he knew, that somehow his legacy wasn't dead. And a stag was off in some far forest, feeling less lonely, and more whole than he had in a long time.

Author's Note: I like this chappie. It was a lot of fun to write. I love sarcastic banter. Well let me know what you think. Think of it as your early Easter present to me. I'll write some future chapter's while I'm traveling to and from Vegas. And trust me those are long plane rides. If you have time check out my two one shots. Review please.


	4. You

Author's Note: Sorry about neglecting this. I've been working on my other story Redemption and I just started another story called Another Perspective. If you get a chance check out my other stories. Personally I like my oneshot Legacy best.

Disclaimer: Not mine today, tomorrow or ever.

_Bleep, bleep bleep. _'Bloody alarm clock. I can't even get any rest during the summer.' **No fault of your own**, said a voice in the back of his mind that sounded a bit too much like Snape for his peace of mind. Then it all came flooding back to him. The pranks. He glanced at the clock. Shoot, I have to hurry. I don't want to look suspicious and I certainly don't want to miss all the fun.

Remus dressed quickly and managed to arrive on time without being out of breath. No help from any shortcuts of course. Severus was already seated at the table looking his usual malicious self. When he sat down Snape set him a sly look. _Bang._ Everyone at the table burst out laughing. However not ten seconds later a series of bangs could be heard throughout the table.

Remus' eyes widened and he cracked up. Snape looked even better dressed as a male stripper than he could have imagined. "What the fuck," Severus said horrified. So much for a blank face. "Lupin!"

"I didn't do anything. Look at me."

"Have you looked at yourself?" In truth he hadn't. He looked down. "Fuck. Damn you to hell Snape." He was wearing a skirt with fishnet stockings. He could feel numerous piercings through various part of his body. He felt better when he spied McGonagall in a lime green bikini. Tears leaked out of his and his hands turned black.

"Am I wearing eyeliner?"

"Yes, I do believe that's what the muggles call it."

"I'm gonna kill you."

"Do you honestly think I'm responsible for this?"

"Who else?"

"Honestly, not even me in the darkest recesses of my mind would put McGonagall in a bikini. You must have done this."

"Me? I would never put Dumbledore in a chicken suit. It had to be you."

"Well it wasn't."

"Albus?"

"No," he said eyes twinkling, "I'm afraid I just can't take credit for this. The Weasley twins must have paid us a visit."

"I'd put them in detention for an eternity if they were still in school."

"I'd have a serious discussion about putting me in a skirt."

"Well I wouldn't be so kind," said McGonagall, "I'd tell their mother. In fact I think I'll do just that."

"No," everyone looked at Remus curiously. "I mean isn't that a bit harsh. It was just a bit of harmless fun."

"This is coming out of the man who's wearing a skirt," muttered Severus.

"Yes, don't I look pretty." Remus did a twirl.

"I've been scarred for life. I'm going to change."

"Hey Severus."

"Not a word Lupin." Remus shut his moth. As soon as Severus turned around he said, "You don't make a bad looking stripper dressed all in black." Then he made a run for it.

"I'm going to kill you Lupin." Severus chased after him. Remus skidded up the halls of Hogwarts. He dashed into his quarters and shut the door. He turned around. Severus came barreling into his room. Remus snapped a picture quick as can be. Severus blinked in surprise. "Give me the camera Lupin."

"No."

"I'll hurt you."

"A thousand galleons are less valuable than this picture."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I believe its called blackmail."

"I know what it is. What I want to know is why?"

"Well since the Marauder's are still 'alive' within me, they've been feeling rather restless due to all the inactivity."

"See if I ever say anything halfway decent to you ever again."

"You will."

"Don't be so sure."

"This coming from the man who's dressed as a stripper."

"Well at least I'm not in a skirt wearing eyeliner."

"I know you're jealous. It's okay."

"Don't flatter yourself. I have to ask Minerva in a bikini? A lime green bikini."

"Well she's always so straight laced."

"Yes but, oh never mind. You've got a sick mind."

"At least I don't still have the mind of a teenage pervert. Now if you don't mind I'd like to change. We still have a ton of filing to do. We'd better dig in soon."

"Fine. I'll see you in the file room in fifteen minutes. You'd better be on time."

"I will, because I don't have to go all the way down to the dungeons."

"I'll see you in twenty." Remus let out a chuckle once Severus was out of earshot. He definitely needed to lighten up. Remus now had film to develop. 'Sirius and James always wondered what he'd look like as a stripper.' Remus couldn't help but crack up again.

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"You're 23 seconds late. Tisk, tisk."

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or disturbed Lupin."

"So we're back on last name basis?"

"After this morning I'm surprised you even feel the need to ask. It's amazing you were made prefect with those reasoning skills of yours."

"Oh, I could always come up with a reason for everything."

"Excuse you mean."

"Now, now Severus there's no reason to act like a thesaurus."

"You really are an insufferable git."

"Duly noted."

"Tell me does lycanthropy affect the mind?"

"Well Severus I don't see why you're asking. I mean was it not two years ago that you felt that your knowledge was so plentiful that you could teach it better than I?"

"Still smarting? The students were too much of dunderheads to reach any conclusion. The never do anything till the last minute."

"Not all. Hermione's always on top of her work and she figured it out. But she kept the information to herself."

"Of course, how typically Gryffindor."

"You don't give her enough credit."

"As smart as she is she lacks common sense. I mean look at who she's friends with."

"It's lonely at the top. As you should know quite well Severus. She's kept Ron and Harry alive. Not to mention helping them pass."

"Yes and what does she get out of it?"

"Nothing but the satisfaction that she has helped others."

"They don't understand her."

"Have you ever met a guy who fully understands any woman?"

"You'd think they would have figured her out a bit by now."

"Ron knows enough to like her."

"Yes, but she'll never be happy with him. She needs a challenge."

"Ron's a challenge and a half. He's truly a great kid, if you can still call him that. He's yet to show his true colors yet. He's still living in the shadows."

"Not like Potter ever does anything to change that."

"He would if he could," said Remus defensively.

"Who are you kidding?"

"Harry's not selfish. He's not James. He never has been and he never will be. Why can't you just open your eyes and see that?"

"They're both the same."

"No they're not. Harry and James are so different. Not when you look at him but when you really see him. He's sad and has a composure that James never had. You have so many demons and you've let so many of them go. Why not this one."

"It's pretty hard when you have to look at a spitting image everyday."

"All you see is James. You've never even met Harry Potter. You just know James Potter's son. Wake up, the rest of the world has had to."

"You can't honestly tell me they think that Potter can save us because of what he's done. No, they think that we'll all be saved because he's Lily and James' son. That's all there is to it."

"Yes, but he doesn't know that," said Remus desperately.

"Well, whose fault is that? None of you tell him the truth. And it is most certainly not my place. I tell everything as I see it, that's more than I can say for the rest of you. I'll never let him down, because I'll never change. Can you say that?"

"I wish I could. None of us wants to crush him. He's slipping away and none of us want to push him further away."

"Did it ever occur that at first he might push away but in the long run he'll respect you for it? Teenagers are always angry, and you have to let them feel their anger. Eventually they'll admit that you were right."

"I can't do that. He's already been hurt so bad. Not even Albus will tell him. Though personally I think that's because he refuses to admit it to himself."

"Don't live life in denial. It won't do you any good. Do what you have to."

"You don't care. It wouldn't matter how much something would crush him. You'd do it anyway."

"Yes because that's the way life works. Be honest with him. If you want to bring him back then you'll do it. You're afraid of what if. That's what happened to you. You didn't lose your friends; you lost your courage to tell the truth no matter what. That's what everybody used to respect you for, your honesty. You've lost my respect in that regard. Black's gone now, it's time to pick up the pieces. Put your life back together. Then and only then will you have my respect."

"You're a cruel heartless bastard."

"I'm only trying to help." Remus' eyes blazed with fury and hurt.

"Get out. Just get out of my sight." Severus stood up and walked to the door.

"You wouldn't be so upset if you knew what I was saying was a lie. It only hurts because it's the truth." Severus closed the door. He heard the loud thud of papers hitting the door just seconds after closing it. He sighed wearily.

Author's Note: Yes this chapter was a little darker. Before you hate Snape too much he is honestly trying to help. Of course he's doing it his way and that causes conflict. And hear I had you thinking he was going soft. Drop me a review. And if you have time check out my other fics.


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